Assalamualaikum and Hi everyone,
In less than a month, I will be graduating my 5 and a half years of studying in IPG. If you ask, I couldn’t be excited for it to happen. In fact, I wanted it so badly to come fast, any days left feel like a torture. No, I am joking. It is a moment of making memories. I am a big heart kind of girl, sentimental to each and every little thing.
We need to Experience Pain
Earlier this year we had this three weeks of a battle to plan and present a proposal. I have also mentioned it here/link , where I shared about my struggle against the AR. My presentation was worst as you can imagine. I was left with terrible emotions, feeling like I could not go anywhere to get my AR done and graduated this year. Knowing that you failed after 3 weeks of struggles, and I still have to go through it for the rest of the year (it was early February at the time), I felt hopeless. It brought such a trauma on me. The only reason that brought me back to open the folder was my lecturer, who was very kind to help me out and got through it. I owe her my best wishes for her in life.
Do it because of YOU, not for OTHERS
Moving on to this day, I am now in the last process where I am uploading my final AR ready to bound into a book. I can’t believe it myself. Everytime I think of it, it feels unreal that I had gone through all of the scariest phase ever as a final grad. The implementation of the research was done during my practicum and I felt great to have all steps completed within that duration. The toughest part amongst the already tough stages of completing my final AR was analysing the raw data I’ve taken. I had gone through 4 times of refining my draft after series of consultation from my supervisor. It was not easy. I was mad, confused, tired, exhausted, sad, lost, possibly going nuts a little bit during this phase. But one thing kept me going was that I wanted to leave this place with a sense of proud and happy that I had given my best for my last round of battle, regardless of what grade I would get at the end. I simply do not want to leave this IPG like nothing to remind me of pain. I want to feel like my effort was worth the graduation.
Show your CONFIDENT (even when you are not)
It was very emotional journey for me. I cried when I finally sat down on my chair right after I have done with my Action Research presentation during the Action Research Seminar. The bullet I used before I began was to just be confident, no matter how hard it would be. Until now I didn’t know what my marks are for the presentation but certainly I didn’t feel as worst as my proposal presentation. In fact, I felt good. I knew I have done my best, my ultimate best, and the rest is no longer my concern.
Everything Looks Difficult At First
Don’t you just feel weird that everything that I thought was incredibly difficult and scary was now gone? I am certainly still alive and I didn’t faint for once. It was undeniable that everything was once difficult until you gone through it, or everything was uncomfortable at first before it became comfortable. It was hard, but I managed. I still have way more to learn and it will never stop. Even till this day I can’t believe we had it all sorted out. Did the pain change me? Yes. Was it easy? Heaven, no.Do I feel proud to leave this IPG now? yes, a lot.
Accept/Find Help from Others
I know, it is easier to write than to actually do it. But I need to realize that I am not alone in the hardship, there will always be someone who can help out, if only when we dare to ask. Often times I felt reluctant to ask for help, mainly because I thought it’s the situation I have to deal with on my own. But I forgotten how light it becomes when we finally share it to someone that concerns. My supervisor was my big supporter, keeping me on track and never once neglected my questions or silence (depsite how busy she was). Although at the time she was the one who kept me in the mess trying to solve everything out. I hated her for being so kind and helpful. You know how many times I feel like I am not going any further? It was a cage in my own life.
Even then, I was always in need of motivation to keep me going. I was in tense when I thought I won’t be able to finish everything on time, especially when there were were less than 24 hour before the presentation. I called my mom and told her my situation and even though I knew she won’t exactly understand it, she will always say something to sooth me. My friend was always there to motivate me too. always.
Pain changes YOU
Change is difficult in the beginning, messy in the middle, gorgeous at the end. I thank Robin Sharma for that.
Every person has their own difficulties and hardship in life. Be the light to them, and don’t judge.
I think we really need a motto for ourselves. and mine was always ‘You Are Strong!’, and I have been telling myself that since earlier this year.
Thank you for reading, I know it’s totally different from my going-places-posts, but I had to document this for my own reference in the future.