End of My Final Practicum

Assalamualaikum and hello,

as of Friday this week, I finally officially finished of my practicum. If you didn’t know what that is, it is just the same thing as teaching practices where all of my colleagues had to go through. That Friday, my morning started off with a mix of feelings in which I felt heavy and uncomfortable. After all the three months of being at the school, I got accustomed to the environment and the norms that were there. The bittersweets through these periods although were only happened in a quarter of year had definitely changed and grown me personally and professionally. I had grown fond of the pupils and the friendly teachers and staff, they had been there helping, guiding and making good rapport to us, in which I felt so much welcomed and appreciated to be there.

It was still fresh in my mind that I first came into the school feeling so extremely anxious and unsure if it was the right school that we selected this time around. Although my first and second phase of practicums had already given that kind of readiness to prepare for the same situation like this, the awkwardness and anxiety were still appeared, making us (me and my best friend, Azmira) felt like running away. Thankfully they were expecting us to come as a letter from our campus had already arrived few several days weeks before and I could say that, after that brief meeting with the Guru Besar and Guru PK Kurikulum, I knew that they were more than happy to see us come that morning. I have to say though that my biggest concern on that day was to be asked to introduce ourselves during the weekly Monday morning assembly but as Allah heard my heartbeat, they didn’t do it. The Guru Besar had done that for us and I could not be more thankful.

I must say after all these three months, I wasn’t like the way I was before. I had definitely learnt so much and I am yet have so much to learn from the people around me. Perseverance is likely the most appropriate word that can describe my experiences. I am aware that humans are never apart of difficulties or hardships in everyday basis. and I have to say that this period of my life had told me to be strong mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It’s like ‘strong’ is my word for this year, because it’s getting a little more challenging day by day.

 

There were moments where I didn’t want to enter my class because I was scared. I was scared of myself for being me. I thought that I was very weak and I wasn’t capable of achieving my lesson objectives, that later would make me feel like I have failed..
There were moments, too, that I felt like I’ve accomplished such a triumph and all I wanted was to jump in joy and tell the whole world how I feel. I felt like I finally got what I had always imagined myself to be/ to do. I felt like I can do everything after that small successes..
My dear student’s wishes. amiin

There were moments where I was in a total blankness. I felt like I was going through the days and weeks with a chaotic mind. I have got a lot of different thoughts that I kept thinking about them and when I didn’t get to solve one I felt so much at worst. I was stressed out of everything else. Many times I caught myself mindlessly driving. You know that feelings when you have the much thoughts in your mind and everything you see looks like imaginations. All that I ever wanted was for the time to pass so I can have my rest in my small tiny bedroom. While in the outside, I may looked calm and serene, but I was battling inside.

Physically I looked strong, and I was training my mind, day by day to be strong as well. I should not attached myself too much of whatever comes in my life, all of these are worldly life. Thinking about it, it’s my heart that I should take care of a lot. Because I see life so much and attach it to my heart, I instantly affected to it. Heart is a sacred place. Heart is where we have to put the trust to the creator. and just to Him, only then nothing can shake me.

I can’t believe I’ve written this long. I have finally gone through all of my three phases of practicums. It took one and a half years to complete all three. and I will have another one more month next semester for the internship and I will still be attending the same school. I would love to go there again, they have been really great to us. I will always remember what the Guru Besar said to us in that farewell ceremony in which he said “semoga mendapat sekolah yang baik-baik dimasa akan datang”, “terima kasih diatas sumbangan pada sekolah”. Of course we are more than pleased to help but in the end, it was us that were helped out.

I received a message from my mentor yesterday morning in which I felt happy to read. She said “thank you for the memorable relationship”. ย I wasn’t expecting that but I am glad to receive it from someone whose experiences are priceless and had gone through many challenges. I could never forget what she said the time when we were about to leave the library (which is also her room) that I thought is so profound. “Wherever we are placed at, be there”, “Help as much as we can, help with sincerity”, “Say your heart, only then you would be peace and nothing stresses you”.

I love listening to advises. I can’t stop listening to inspiring talks. It grows me as I learn and try to implement it in my own life.

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