I am not Strong Enough?

Yes. I am not. I would never be strong.
There you have it. My confession that I would never get it out of publicly, or at least here in the blog.
I have so much ego inside me that won’t allow me to say that I am not strong.
But today marked the day/night, and you all can read it.
Why I say this?
I am not strong enough to keep up with my blogging spirit. It’s going all over the place, I am only getting worse every day. Every ideas in my head vanishes like it’s never been there, because it’s never been written. never heard.
I am not strong enough  to start writing and it should have been drafted for now but because I have such a weak willpower to begin my journey, it’s never get started.
I am not strong enough to live my day without judging/complaining life. Yes, I listen to motivational, insightful audio messages every early morning before I go out so that I would have the positive vibe to start my day. Reaching up through the middle of the day, it was difficult not to think/blurt something that don’t seem perfect in my eyes like the hot el-nino weather, overly-attached pupils and other topics that are irrelevant to my mind. I knew that and somehow, just like other people, I lost my own battle.
I am not strong enough to decide what my breakfast/lunch/dinner would be every day. This is very much 99.99% true. Everyone has the same problem like this and that’s why most people lost their energy just by deciding which foods to eat. I believe that people who can actually choose their foods faster have the ability to decide things better.
I am not strong enough because I can’t stop giving excuses to skip my workout. I love working out and every night when I am planning the day for tomorrow I would always put the ‘do yoga’ or ‘do jog’ on my board, only to see that I would skip those days. I would never miss a week but the feelings of letting your mind persuaded you to take your nap instead of doing forearm balances were not that great. not at all. especially in three to four days in a row.
I am not strong enough to promise myself to take good care of myself. This is very important. It is a matter of health mentally, emotionally and physically that I should take care of myself in every aspect of my life. It is okay to be fearful, it is okay to have problematic skin, it is okay to not have a coffee it you want it. It is okay. What’s not okay is to see myself as coward because I have fears, ugly because I am not flawless, caffeine addict because I drink coffee.
I have so much more things about me that show I am not strong enough.
but I know that all of those can be turned upside down.
and I will be strong enough.
strong enough, to develop myself.

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